Top 10 Obsessions: August 2023

Since this is my first top 10 obsessions post, this is just a journal prompt I do to recap my thoughts and feelings about the top 10 things that were on my mind in the past month. I have a terrible memory and I often go from one hyperobsession to the next, so its just a good practice for me (especially when I get back into my journaling hobby, I can just slap these in to take care of times I have no memory of). I like to add the top 5 songs I listened to as well to paint a more full picture of the time period.

1. Surviving work on a sinking ship: Like a third of our skilled staff has left at this point and management can't hire people fast enough. Especially considering it takes over a week of computer training before new hires are even allowed out to the floor for more training. Most new hires barely make it past the first phase of floor training. More senior staff are left floundering, waiting for help. Like we know what we're doing but at a certain point, we just can't handle the load. The work load WAS lowered for a little bit but I believe they turned it back up because people were complaining. But now people are complaining about wait times. I dream about quitting every day, but I can't until I find something else because it's too expensive to be alive right now. I have my eye on a few things but they take patience, which has never been my forte. So we wait.

2. Tears of the Kingdom: I took a break from the new Zelda game after the first week of playing but this month I really got back into it. Finished the fire and the lightning temples (I had already finished the water and wind temples previously). Ran around collecting dragon parts, exploring caves for bubbulfrogs, and building transports for koroks. Worked on a bunch of side quests, upgraded armor, took in the sunsets from my favorite sky island (an unnamed place just above Breman Peak). Worked on filling out my depths map even though I'm not a huge fan of the depths.

3. Covid: Got sick at the end of the month and had 3 fevers back to back, which is wild and not something I even thought was possible. Slept for days, hot and cold flashes, sore throat, cough, and sneezing, plus a headache that made my head feel like a balloon that was about to pop.

4. Wasting my life away watching reels on instagram and facebook: I had TikTok back in 2020 and I deleted it because I lost hours watching random shit. Now I do the same thing on Instagram and can't stop, because I'm not going to get rid of it. The videos make me sad, make me laugh, make me think of people, make me feel seen. BUT at the same time I hate looking up and its 3 hours later. I hate feeling overstimulated by the emotions I end up feeling. I hate realizing too late that I'm just wrung out and tired. I'm working on it, but this month had a lot of vegetation time where my brain was too mush to do anything else.

5. Reading again: I've been trying to keep up on my reading goals. I have kinda de-prioritized expanding past my comfort zone because I need escape. Like I'm too tired to exist in reality. So I've been binging smut and romantasy. I've actually really been liking the Reign Of Dragons series: I like the world building, I like the main couple, I like the time loop element. I got part way into the third book and got pulled in other directions, but I intend to go back to it eventually. I am also really proud that I finally finished A Brief History of Time this month. It did take a year but I did it. It opened some new research ideas for me and that's exciting for when I'm finally ready to pursue those.

6. Existential Dread: Just continually trying to figure out what I want in life and how to get there. When I'm realistic though, the things I want just aren't really options to me. Not right now and maybe not ever. So just continually dealing with the grief of things that never happened for me while still trying to make things happen. Still young but also what even the fuck is time?

7. Music: Music is pretty much always on these lists because music is always flexible to every mood. I have never really been into metal but this month I decided to give it an honest try. I found a playlist called 'Baby-making Metal' and the moody sensual vibe is my thing so I found some definite goodies. Learning that progressive metal is good but I'm not a fan of all of it. Also just listened to a lot of calming ambient stuff to fall asleep to.

8. Stray: So Stray finally came to Xbox and my partner bought it for me. I spent a day playing. It was so pretty and I really liked it. I haven't finished it yet but I will go back to it soon.

9. Being too hot to move: Had a few heat waves here and I'm not a warm weather person. Can't wait for the rain to start.

10. Hot Girl walks: I tried to be healthy and started going on a couple walks a week. Don't always want to and don't force myself to, but it's better than nothing? Usually get a couple miles worth of steps from work but I'm trying to lose weight or something.

Top 5 Songs of the Month:

1. Weightless 1-5 - Marconi Union

2. Pick Up The Phone (Arithmatix Remix) - Dragonette

3. Paint The Town Red - Doja Cat

4. Kiss It Better - Sophie Woodhouse

5. What's Your Fantasy? - Ludacris

In solidarity and the spirit of Group Therapy:
Reeling from places beyond a pervasive dream’s reach
Hypnotic delusions with heady whispers lead me down precarious chasms
Helpless to a masterful temptress propagating complex discontent
Beckoning this hollow mortal to wildly all-consuming heavens

This honeyed torment straddles my frenzied spiraling spirit
Sultry sensations ride me down
But a delicately molded myth caresses the hidden fever
Because bound, the deep trembling heat is a private cursed burden

Desperately unfulfilled without the thrill of your lingering eyes
Conjured application of your oral fixation leaves me breathless
Even those natural touches lure me to partake in a meteoric Fall
Willingly submitting to any genuine appetite you may show

I can’t pretend we share mutual thirst
No pillow can cloud my awoken throes
I can’t let go of your intimate ease all the same
Intoxicating this sinner with your gentle allure

I don’t love you, but I am begging
To be tamed
I don’t need hope, I just need a cure
For this desire

{written July 2020}

when your quarter life crisis starts turning into your midlife crisis

I often put my emotions into the playlists I make. Finding words and vibes that perfectly encompass the mood is an irresitable scratch to an itch. Lately I've been feeling the existential dread of growing older. Back pain, 3 day hangovers, forgetting, getting excited about a clean house, difficulty making new friends, not recognizing the person in the mirror, when coworkers are basically still babies, having absolutely no energy ever, and the daily grind of waking up, eating, going to work, sleeping, repeating. There's so much to get caught up in. Like it's enticing, it's tempting. You can get lost trying to fix your reality in daydreams. And I often do get stuck there.

Reading Progress

The past few years have been pretty pitiful in terms of books read for me, so my big goal for 2023 was to read 52 books. I'm currently at 39 of 52. But since we're here, these are the books so far.

I didn't read any books in June. Oops

Have you read any of these? Do you have any reccomendations? Let me know!

Hello & Welcome

I am the Leafy Teadragon! Fair warning: This place is gonna get weird because I have a lot of hobbies and interests. I write, I read, I listen to music, I game, I garden. I hyperobsess and then drop it. But I'm all about making a weird little community, so let's hang out! :)